These past few days, well weeks really, have been really tough. Some days I wonder if I can keep going at all. T., having severe Autism, is getting harder and harder for us. Most days I get so upset that I end up crying. I don't think anyone reading this can completely relate...but you might be able to, who knows. We have been working on potty training that boy now for 9 years! But recently is when he has been terrible about the whole thing.
Here's a glimpse of my day:
I wake up at 6am to get T. up (that is if he isn't already awake~which he usually is by 4am) take him to the bathroom and constantly remind him to pee. Once he has gone, I help him get dressed and we wait for the bus.....6:45am the bus arrives. My day now starts with everything else.
At 2:45pm T's bus arrives.....
Once we get inside, he throws his backpack down, takes off his shoes and yells! Wahoo...he's home! :) I make him go to the bathroom right away. He will usually go then. But, now the rest of the day and evening is a struggle. The boy will sit on the toilet of a long time and refuse to go. He holds it until he gets off and then will immediately go and pee or poop his pants....
I am really at my whits end with this one. His teacher keeps telling me that we have to break the habits or he will always do them at our house. **Important fact here** He doesn't do this at school at all! It's all for US! Now, what the crap am I supposed to do with that???!!!
Each day I find myself wishing he would move to a home now......sometimes I wonder why I have these challenges. I was telling a friend last night that it's my punishment for my teen years. My parents always tell me how rotten I was then..... who knows.
It's cloudy outside....I want to crawl back into bed.
Oh baby girl- I'm giving you the biggest cyber hug right now. Kids know how to push the buttons and you sound like you are really going through it. Is there a doctor/ support person that can help you? My friends daughter has autism- not as severe. She says sometimes communication is really tough. They don't think like we do. Do rewards work? I'm sure you have tried everything under the sun. I'll be praying for you all.
ReplyDeleteDena
Oh, pet lamb. :( I can't offer any practical advice but I did want to say that please don't think you have been given a punishment. I like to think that you have something special to give that he needs - even though some days it's hard to see woods for the trees (or the love for the teeth-gritting!). Big zen hugs from way over here!
ReplyDeleteI have no idea how you feel, Nichol, or what it is like to walk in your shoes. I do, however, know what you and your family do for others around you: you demonstrate unconditional love and support, you model patience and forgiveness, you exemplify Christ-like service. And on those days when you don't FEEL like you possess any of these qualities, just know that you are truly teaching and inspiring others. Taylor will one day be whole and how great your joy shall be then. For now, your family will be in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you for sharing.
Ok Girlie....first of all no guilt...got it?! I don't know what others have been telling you but no child is a punishment.
ReplyDeleteI worked with some autistic kiddies in my preschool classes (don't teach any more) and yes, it is difficult and yes, there is a lot, lot, lot of repetition but also he is home...he is comfortable there. He must not be comfortable enough to go at school. Chin up little one and yes, you may need to find someone else to help you with this, someone who will come into your home and guide you and your husband...get that...your husband...you are not alone! And we are out here to listen any time.
xo
I don't have any advice for you, Nick, but tons of sympathy. I have so much respect for you and other moms and dads who face this reality every day and find some way to cope. It has to be the hardest thing ever, being a mom to 3 boys and one with special needs. YOU, my dear, are amazing, even if you don't feel like it at the moment.
ReplyDelete(((((Nichol))))) Give yourself as many breaks as you can, sweetie. Hopefully this is just a phase, aren't boys naturally ornery? I had 2 brothers and I can remember my mom breaking down a few times and crying, over something one of them did or said.
My sweet Nickel!!
ReplyDeleteYou my friend were given these challenges in your life because of your amazing STRENGTH!! Heavenly Father knows you and Jared and knows you can handle anything that is put before you! He won't give any of us things we can not handle... You are an AMAZING mother who I know is doing everything to make life great for those boys! I love you to pieces and wish I was right there to wrap my arms around you!! You are such a light to others and to your children! Ask for the strength you need and you will receive it! My thoughts and my prayers are with you right now!! You are such a precious daughter of God and he loves you SO MUCH!! He will help you all along your way!!! Call me if you need to okay?? LOVE YOU!
I wish I could give you a big hug right now. Please don't ever, ever feel you brought this on yourself. We don't know why these things happen to people but you're on a long road and maybe someday you'll be able to see some blessings in this whole situation. I'm really amazed by you that you have made such beautiful, original quilts and that you have so much creativity. I wish I had some advice but I don't. But I am sure that you are a wonderful mother and a very creative soul.
ReplyDeleteI always think of you and your Taylor trials. You have always been an example to me of how to laugh in the face of anything. I've never seen you down about any of it. I will keep praying he gets his bowls to be as cooperative at home as they are in school! We were just saying last night how it's easy to be on your worst behavior around your own family. Sounds like Taylor is no different from the rest of us in that regard. Give him a hug from us and I'll send lots of prayers your way!
ReplyDeleteIf I was close, I would give you a big hug! One day it will get easier.
ReplyDeleteHi Nichol Thanks for sharing -its not a good idea to keep things bottled up. We can all help carry a bit of the load and make it lighter.
ReplyDeleteJust wondering if your son goes to the bathroom at school how you could recreate those conditions at home. Maybe you have tried everything already but it is just a thought. My son would go the bathroom at daycare but not at home so I spent the morning at the daycare and watched and recorded everything they did.
The big differences were that they were more consistent than I was and had a schedule for the kids to go to the bathroom and they did not show any upset when an accident happened. It was just cleaned up and otherwise ignored. These 2 changes helped me - not that this must be your answer but is just an example.
love your blog title "hardy party of 5" its a lovely play on words - you are hardy and there is a party somewhere in this pile of frustration.
I really admire your dedication to your family and your creativity. take care of yourself
Wow. What a blog. I have nothing to offer you. Except my prayers. Do you have any specific things you would like me to pray about? If not, I'll just be lifting up you, Taylor, and the rest of your family as you journey along with autism. How incredibly hard.
ReplyDeleteHi Nichol,
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your recent trials. I can't relate to what you're going through, but do you think this might be some type of control thing? In my experience potty training my children, it seems like they recognized that it was something they had complete control over, and in some ways they enjoyed exercising that control (albeit in weird ways); ie. it's something that you really can't MAKE them do. Maybe your son is just trying to express some individuality / independence by exercising his control over the situation?
Anyhow, feel free to disregard this as something by someone who doesn't know what he's talking about. But I think it's great (and healthy) that you are expressing yourself in an honest way and reaching out to others for support. That's got to help!
Always remember, your creative outlets will give you peace. You're so very talented, so always make time to center yourself!
Best wishes,
John
Nichol,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry things have been so hard lately. I'm definitely sending hugs and lots of prayers your way. I hope things get better very soon. I'm glad you are able to let us all know how you're feeling-we're here for you, if it helps a little bit.